Ah, Happy Memories...

My super-supportive husband has taken my boys out for a Sunday morning at the park to give me some time to myself to write.  (Yes, New Yorkers and Coloradans, its 70 and sunny in Austin, TX today... you can hate on me now, and then send me weather reports of your own in August, when it's 105 here.)  Anyway, with the house quiet, I feel compelled to blog.  But need to get away from the heavy stuff again for a bit.  It's hard for you to read, and even harder for me to write.

Besides, Stephen was more than just a kid with cancer.

You might think that Stephen and I were super-close, considering the time and effort I'm putting into St. Baldrick's on his behalf.  That's not really accurate.  We were 4 1/2 years apart in age, too large of a gap to really be buddies.  He idolized me.  He followed me every chance he got.  He was a complete and total pest.  But he'd do anything I asked of him, just to win my approval.  And so, I psychologically tortured that kid whenever the opportunity presented itself.

No, you can't play checkers with us!  You're a BABY!!!  Go away, baby.

Stephen and I grew up in a family with two working parents, and  being the eldest, I became his after-school babysitter, when we were both old enough to be trusted for two hours.  One afternoon, bored of watching Diff'rent Strokes re-runs for the umpteenth time, I wandered the house trying to think of something interesting to do.  I asked Stephen if he wanted to play "dare."

As in, "I dare you to climb the tree, and touch that branch.  No, not that one.  That one.  Yes, way up there."  And then he'd dare me to do something like a handstand.  "I dare you to eat a tablespoon of mayonnaise."  (Ugh.)  And then he'd dare me to eat chocolate syrup, being so much younger and thus, uninventive.

"I dare you to put on this skirt, and this hat, and go and dance in the front yard for ten seconds."  Obedient little puppy that he was, on they went, and out the door he went.

I followed him outside, looking at my Swatch with the clear jelly wristband, making sure he put in his full ten seconds.  At second number nine, I was struck with a wonderful, inspired, genius idea.  I ran inside.  Click.

He chased me, and grappled with the locked door handle.  It was a warm day, and the screen was in the window, so I was able to speak to him through the mesh.  "You know what?  I think I left the back door open when you went out to climb the tree."

 And flash!  He was gone, around the side of the house.  This kid was FAST.  I mean, fast!  His t-ball team had nicknamed him "Rabbit" for this very reason.

However, he wasn't fast enough for me, who only needed to walk a straight line through our 1000 square foot house.  I got to the back door and waited.  His hand reached out for the handle, and... click.

"You can't lock me out!!!  No fair!" he bellowed.

"I'd never lock you out," I replied.  "That would be mean.  I unlocked the front door for you, and just came back here to tell you."  And flash! off he ran again, hat flapping, skirt flying out behind him, around to the front.

I wasn't lying.  I really had unlocked the front door.  Again, I arrived just a second or two before he did.  Click.

He took off for the back again, stepping on the hem of the skirt as the too-big waistband slid down his thighs, tearing it.  No matter.  I hated skirts anyway.  My knobby knees always got scuffed up when I was trying to do ANYTHING fun, and I suddenly had to worry about the way I was sitting.  Lady-like?  Pshaw.

Can you guess what happened when he arrived at the back door?

Click.  

And, flash!  Around to the front again, just in time for all of the "cool" high school kids who'd just stepped off of their school bus to see him.  I didn't want to be known through the neighborhood as a kid torturer (or more accurately, for any of these witnesses to tell my parents), so I let him inside.


Why he never just took off the skirt and the hat -- I have no idea.

 
Sorry, Mom, I know you're reading this... I was, uh, trying to teach him creative problem solving skills.  And secretly, I think he was loving the attention.  :)

I'm pretty sure this is THE hat.  I'm glad it could be put to good use again, just a few short years after this picture was taken!

To donate to St. Baldrick's in honor of Stephen, click HERE!
See the blog post on "Binary Voting" for details on how to vote for or against my head shave!

Friday Night Update, Week 1: 50 yes, 36 no... and 100 more no?!?!?

Well, what can I say?

You guys are incredible.

In just five days (I received my first donation on January 24th, and today is the 28th), you have contributed $1,975.00 to my fundraising effort.  I am solidly in 1st place, out of a pool of 59 fundraisers who have signed up for the Austin event at Dell Children's Medical Center.  It's simply amazing.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

So, how do the votes break down?  It was close, at the start.
There have been 50 votes cast in favor of the head shave, there were 36 against, and 3 abstentions.

However, a pair of benefactresses absolutely took my breath away last night when they cast 100 votes in favor of me keeping the hair.  That's $1000.00.   I was speechless.  And you all know, I'm never speechless!

Anyone who wants to see my bare scalp has some work to do to balance out those votes!

I'm continuing to spread the word, and hope you'll help me.  I completely understand if you're not able to contribute financially right now -- seeing my blog following grow will make me just as happy.  And of course, forwarding this message on to others (especially to your own families and friends who know me, or who knew Stephen) doesn't cost a thing.  You could also post it to your Facebook "Wall" for a day, and generate interest among your friends there!

Make sure they all know to end their donation dollar amount in a 1 if they're pro-shave, and a 0 if they say no way!

I'm in love with the world right now -- more than anything, thank you for restoring my faith in human kindness.  You all rock.  Truly.

To donate to St. Baldrick's in honor of Stephen, click HERE!
See the blog post on "Binary Voting" for details on how to vote for or against my head shave!

Stephen's Story, Part 3: Chemo for Christmas

Five days after the Christmas concert at the elementary school, Stephen had his first surgery. The brain tumor itself was inoperable. This was surgery was necessary for his cancer treatment. It began at 10am.

The surgery was to install a central line, in this case a double-lumen Broviac catheter, into his chest. The oncologist wanted to have direct access to Stephen's circulatory system for admistering chemotherapy drugs, and a second line for drawing blood or injecting any secondary medications which may become necessary. The catheter was a long Y-shaped length of silicone tubing, with portals on each of the “arms.” His chest was opened, and the “tail” of the Y was inserted into the superior vena cava, where the drugs would enter his heart immediately as they were administered. The “arms” would hang outside of his rib cage, and were taped down to his chest when not in use.

This image is a double-lumen Broviac. A Google image search will show you what it looks like when implanted, but I'm going to refrain from posting another family's sick child on my blog.

Stephen's oncologist, Dr. Shah, ran a computer program designed to select a very patient-specific treatment protocol. His particular form of cancer, and the particular location of his tumor, was exceedingly rare. There was no proven treatment – the best we really could do was contribute to ongoing research and hope for the best.

At midnight that same night, Stephen had his first chemotherapy treatment. From what I've read and been told, chemo itself is usually relatively quick and painless, although the side effects are really unpleasant. A midnight treatment would allow him to rest through the night. Instead, there was an emergency. As the drugs were administered, Stephen's jaw locked. His eyes began to bulge. The muscles throughout his body tensed, and his back arched. Finally, he stopped breathing. The drugs were way too strong, and Stephen's small body couldn't handle them. An emergency crew responded, and administered epinephrine.

But the treatment had to be continued. The drugs were diluted and immediately re-administered over a longer duration, and thankfully, this extreme reaction never happened again. The chemo was repeated on the 21st, and again on the 22^nd, and after a day of rest, Stephen came home for Christmas.

Christmas morning, our family arose from a clatter. We sprang from our beds to see what was the matter...

...to find his entire 6^th grade class, many of them carrying band instruments, playing and singing Christmas carols on the sidewalk in front of our house.  In the cold.  In the rain.  I hope Santa was very, very good to all of them that year. What an amazing bunch of kids.




Click here to read the other installments of Stephen's Story:
Stephen's Story, Part 1: A Flashback
Stephen's Story, Part 2: Wait, what?

Stephen's Story, Part 4: There goes the hair
Stephen's Story, Part 5: Radiation and Ronald
Stephen's Story, Part 6: A Happy Birthday
Stephen's Story, Part 7: Great Danes and paper cranes
Stephen's Story, Part 8: Promises
Stephen's Story, Part 9: The Long Journey
Stephen's Story, Part 10: Requiem


St. Baldrick's Tip O'the Day:
Contact your HR department (or if you work for a small company, ask your employer directly), to see if they are willing to match your donation!  Many will be pleased to honor your request, and your generosity is inspiring to your friends and colleagues.  Remember, all donations to St. Baldrick's are tax-deductible in the US!






To donate to St. Baldrick's in honor of Stephen, click HERE!
See the blog post on "Binary Voting" for details on how to vote for or against my head shave!

Binary Voting... and the link to donate.

So, where's the link to donate???

I intentionally left that off of my last post to give myself a chance to get off the hook explain the rules of an added "game" we'll play here at Buzz for Bubbers.

Undoubtedly, some of you are saying, "You're doing what? Are you crazy???" while others are rubbing your hands together and chuckling at how completely ridiculous I will look bald.  And by "completely ridiculous," I mean amazingly hot.  ;)  Undoubtedly, ALL of you are getting out your credit cards and chomping at the bit to support me, right?

Anyway.  Here's how binary voting will work.
Wait, back up.  First of all, this is the most basic explanation of how the binary system works:
The numeral 1 = yes.  The numeral 0 = no.

Simple, right?  Hard to believe that centuries after its inception, this basic system of yin and yang would eventually lead to home electronics as we know them today.  But I digress....  If you would like to donate to my cause, and if you have an opinion as to its outcome, you can cast your vote (or multiple votes) with your donation.

If you would like to see me shave my head (cast a "YES" vote), please end your total donation with the numeral 1.

Each increment of $10 will count as one vote -- i.e. $11 = one "yes" vote, $21 = two "yes" votes, $31 = three "yes" votes, etc.  There is no limit to the number of votes you can cast.  Want to vote 100 times?  Knock. Yourself. Out!

If you would not like to see me shave my head (cast a "NO" vote), please end your total donation with the numeral 0.

Again, each increment of $10 will count as one vote -- i.e $10 = one "no" vote, $20 = two "no" votes, $30 = three "no" votes, etc.  Come on, guys -- I'm fully expecting you to save me from myself!!!

If you have no opinion, or want to donate less than $10, or have a superstitious attachment to the number 4, or whatever... please still participate!  Any donations not ending in 1 or 0 will simply not be counted on the morning of March 18th, when the final decision will be published here.  But even if your donation doesn't count as a vote, it will still mean the world to me to see your name on my donation page, and know that you've got my back.  Even if it's just a dollar!

No matter the outcome of the voting, I will be present at Dell Children's on March 19th, either to have my head shaved, or to get my free t-shirt and breathe a sigh of relief as I listen to the buzz of clippers and show my support for the shorn.  All "votes" will be donated to St. Baldrick's regardless of the outcome.


Finally, ---> HERE <--- is the link to my page!

Or, type in stbaldricks.org/participants/MamaKat

As you will see, my wonderful husband, Casey, is totally behind me on this one.  Which leads to my next post, which will most likely be titled:  "Are You Insane?"





 St. Baldrick's Fact O'the Day:

The St. Baldrick's Foundation is a non-profit 501 (c)3 organization, IRS identification number 20-1173824. Donations made to the St. Baldrick's Foundation are tax deductible in the U.S. 

Oh, and before I forget:  THANK YOU!!!!!!!

I Did It!!!

Well, no, I didn't actually SHAVE it yet.

But I did go to www.stbaldricks.org and sign up to be a shavee.

I will not be participating at a pub.  An audience of 22-year-old St. Paddy's Day green-beer lightweights cheering me on doesn't quite mark the occasion with the lighthearted solemnity I'd imagined.  (I know, "lighthearted solemnity" is a contradiction in terms, but that's now I'm imagining this will feel.)  Instead, I'll be at Dell Children's Hospital on Saturday, March 19th at 10:00am, in the presence of some of the very kids I'll be helping.  All of that hair will be going to Locks of Love!

As of this writing (January 21st) there are 29 shavees registered.  I was pleasantly surprised to see that of this number, at least 5 are women.

Details, including a direct link to my donation webpage, are coming up next, so become a follower of this blog and stay updated!






To donate to St. Baldrick's in honor of Stephen, click HERE!
See the blog post on "Binary Voting" for details on how to vote for or against my head shave!

My Hair...

is the longest it has ever been in my entire life!

And I'm just AWFUL at subtle foreshadowing.  ;)






To donate to St. Baldrick's in honor of Stephen, click HERE!
See the blog post on "Binary Voting" for details on how to vote for or against my head shave!

On Philanthropy

In 2006, I received a surprising email.  It was from a guy named Ian, a former employee of the Republic of Boulder, the microbrewery pub that I'd managed in Colorado.  He was soliciting donations for childhood cancer research.

I'd never heard of the charity before.  St. Baldrick's???  What was this all about?  Was it legitimate?  So I checked them out.

Since 2000, St. Baldrick's has been sponsoring events in Irish pubs on St. Patrick's Day.  Ok, I follow, but Baldrick's?  And fundraising in a bar?

Volunteers pledge to shave their heads in a show of solidarity with children who lose their hair to cancer treatments.  They aren't compensated, other than the generous donations and sponsorship of their friends, family, and co-workers.

Wow.  Cool!

I made a donation in Ian's name, and forwarded his information on to many of my email contacts.  But I remember thinking, you know, Ian's a guy.  And furthermore, he already had really short hair, kind of a rock-star spiky thing.  And he'd been in the military, so it was certain that he'd sported a pretty-close cropped (if not bald) style before.  And he worked in the service industry.  It's not so peculiar to find a bald guy working behind a bar.

Now, if it had been a guy with long hair, imagine the donations he'd get.

Or a girl with long hair....

Learn more about the history of St. Baldrick's by clicking here!






To donate to St. Baldrick's in honor of Stephen, click HERE!
See the blog post on "Binary Voting" for details on how to vote for or against my head shave!

Aaaand, yeah....

It has been nine days since I published my last post.

I started drafting one five days ago, and found myself stuck.  I wasn't ready to move on with Stephen's story.  It was getting too heavy, too quickly.  My intentions here are not just to dredge up the past and inundate anyone who stopped by to check in and do some light reading with a personal nightmare.

I'm also questioning my (as of this writing, nonexistent) readers' opinions of this blog.  Despite my intention to relate a character-forming event in my life, it's certain that someone will assume that I'm shamelessly rehashing it all for the attention it brings.  I'm sure, in large part, that's the reason I still haven't publicized "Buzz for Bubbers" a month since its inception, and only two months before its target culmination.

So -- let's start with an acknowledgement.  In writing this blog, I'm forced to straddle some very fine lines -- the lines between sentiment and melodrama, and between telling touching stories and those that are abjectly depressing.

I had hoped to balance out the negative with some seemingly superficial blather of personal and/or cultural significance, stuff that really doesn't matter in a life-or-death perspective.  However, I'm having a really hard time transitioning from the heavy to the light.  Forgive me if my point of focus jumps around from one day to the next.  As it will.  Stick it out, and it'll all tie together tidily in the end.

So, next post, "superficial" stuff.  The post after that, a little more background.  And then...
we're going live!






To donate to St. Baldrick's in honor of Stephen, click HERE!
See the blog post on "Binary Voting" for details on how to vote for or against my head shave!

Stephen's Story, Part 2: So, wait, what happened?

In December of 1994, my eleven year old brother, Stephen, had a sudden onset of double vision.   A trip to the optometrist revealed a brain tumor.

After the initial tumor sighting, life went into an incredible, dizzying spin.  The closest major children's cancer center to my hometown of Elmira, NY was the Geisinger Medical Center in Danville, PA.  We took Stephen there immediately for a full diagnosis.

His tumor was a brain stem glioma.  It was located at the pons, between the medulla (at the top of the spine) and the midbrain (behind the pituitary gland).

Stephen's oncologist, Dr. Shah, estimated the tumor to be the size of a lime.

Tumors of this size, in this location, have a very poor prognosis.  They are obviously inoperable, as they are surrounded by the nerve fibers that connect the brain to the rest of the body.  The likelihood of muscular paralysis aside, this part of the brain controls the most basic life-sustaining reflexes, including breathing and swallowing.

Treatments are still quite experimental.  These tumors are very aggressive, and survival rarely exceeds 12 months.  Even when the tumors respond to radiation and chemotherapy, survival beyond 20 months is exceedingly rare.

Stephen knew the basics of his disease, but did not know all of these details.  He didn't need to know, and didn't care to know.  All he knew is that he was going to have to fight cancer, beat cancer, and keep his hope alive.  And fight is what he did.   

For more information about this particular type of pediatric brain cancer, St. Jude Children's Research Hospital has a very straightforward, clear, and concise article.  You can find it here:





Click here to read the other installments of Stephen's Story:
Stephen's Story, Part 1: A Flashback

Stephen's Story, Part 3: Chemo for Christmas
Stephen's Story, Part 4: There goes the hair
Stephen's Story, Part 5: Radiation and Ronald
Stephen's Story, Part 6: A Happy Birthday
Stephen's Story, Part 7: Great Danes and paper cranes
Stephen's Story, Part 8: Promises
Stephen's Story, Part 9: The Long Journey
Stephen's Story, Part 10: Requiem


To donate to St. Baldrick's in honor of Stephen, click HERE!
See the blog post on "Binary Voting" for details on how to vote for or against my head shave!

Who is this "Bubbers" Person Anyway?

Some time during my fourth year, when it was surely already too late, my parents asked if I wanted a baby brother. My reply was, “No, but I'd like an orange balloon.” Later, I rescinded, and instead decreed that they “hop to it!” In March of 1983, Stephen Michael Haslett was born.

I thought he was neat. But those of you who know me know that I'm not much of a girly-girl. I'm by no means a princess, not into playing dress-up, not into dollies. So, by extension, I found making mud-pies in the forts I built under the lilac bushes preferable to the new baby. As he got bigger and more interesting, though, I did deem him worthy of a nickname. It was “Bubbers-Chubbers-Diddle-Little-Lubbers,” recited in that sing-songy chant that seems to be hard-wired into every preschooler. Na-na-nana-boo-boo. You know the one.

And just “Bubbers” for short.



As he got bigger, he started to call me Sissy, hard “k” and “th” being difficult for toddlers to pronounce. It took me a while to understand that Sissy was meant as a term of familial endearment, and not the insult tossed back and forth by my exclusively male playmates along with the wiffle ball. I forgave him the initial insult, and before I knew it, I had a second shadow.



He is the very same Stephen as in my first post – the Stephen with the brain tumor. I'll spare you the suspense. He didn't make it.



This blog is for him. A vehicle to remember him by, and to introduce him posthumously to my friends (and friends of his friends) who have heard of him, but never met him. A way to tell his story without the crawling discomfort of trying to console the listener who is squirming and wishing they'd never asked if I had any siblings in the first place.


I suspect that this will also be a blog for me. A place to put it all down, and put it all away, and recall events that I've forgotten. I welcome and encourage questions and comments. I'm hoping they will jog even more memories, and flesh out my single point of perspective on who exactly this kid was.



Finally, hopefully, this blog will become a place to help something positive come from something awful. I'll get into the “something positive” shortly, in a future post. So bear with me. Just a little premeditated insanity that I've been considering for a very long time. We'll even have fun, I promise.

And no, I never did get that orange balloon.
________________________________________





To donate to St. Baldrick's in honor of Stephen, click HERE!
See the blog post on "Binary Voting" for details on how to vote for or against my head shave!